IT WAS ALWAYS YOU Page 5

  Come on. You know I don’t see you like that.

  The memory hit her body like a hard slap across the face. God.

  You have to let it go. You had a crush on a guy, and he didn’t feel the same way.

  So what?

  “Sorry, I’m late,” a woman said.

  Gigi’s eyelids popped open to find a gorgeous woman carrying a Louis Vuitton tote on her arm. She looked vaguely familiar, and Gigi’s mind scrambled to place her—actor? Singer? Model?

  The woman flashed a bright, white smile to the crew. “I only found out I was coming along last night.” Her flirty dress exposed toned thighs, and she’d clearly taken a lot of time on her long, blonde hair and make-up.

  With a laugh in her eyes, she dropped into the seat beside Cassian. And then she snuggled up against him, whispering in his ear.

  Gigi was gutted. Pure, raw jealousy burned through her. That’s the woman in the photo. The blonde hair and big cleavage were the giveaways.

  Over all these years, the press had caught Cassian in compromising poses with countless women, but she’d never known him to have a girlfriend. He seemed to be on a mission to have sex with every woman on the globe.

  Except me, of course. He’s not attracted to me.

  As the flight attendants prepared the cabin for departure, Gigi couldn’t take her eyes off the couple. Their intimacy was undeniable. They whispered quietly, smiling every now and then. The woman punched his shoulder lightly, reared back, and then burst out laughing.

  “Hey, everybody.” An older man with shaggy blonde hair stood in the aisle. “I’m Arnie, and I’m the tour’s photographer. I’m going to get as many shots as I can, but I won’t be publishing anything without your written permission.”

  “You can photograph me with the patients,” the actor said. “But that’s it.”

  “Got it. For now, everyone who doesn’t mind a group shot, could you give me a cheesy smile?” He held up his camera. And just as Gigi started to lean in, she saw Cassian’s girlfriend snake her arm behind his neck and rest her hand on his shoulder.

  And that was the shot Arnie got.

  The one with Gigi staring at the boy who’d hurt her in a way she couldn’t come back from.

  And the boy enjoying his fun, sexy girlfriend, as if Gigi had never existed.

  * * *

  An hour after checking into her hotel room, Gigi’s phone rang. Wearing nothing but a robe, she dashed to answer it. Mama Cav. “Hey, Mom.”

  “Where are you, and why do you sound out of breath?”

  “I’m having a spa night.” She glanced at herself in the mirror over the dresser. A shiny green mask covered her face, and a white towel-turban sat on top of her head.

  “Now? It’s dinner time.”

  “I know. I’m just going to order in.” Am I avoiding seeing Cassian’s sexy girlfriend run her hands all over him?

  You bet.

  “Oh, no, you’re not. You know how the first night goes. It’s orientation.”

  “I can skip it. This ain’t my first rodeo.” She’d deal with everything tomorrow.

  “Each tour is different—the children are different. You need to get down there and find out who you’re going to be visiting. Besides, do you really want it to look like you get special treatment because you’re our daughter?”

  “No, but I do want one night to just relax.”

  “Yeah, okay, Diva, that’s not how we roll. Now, get downstairs. They’re waiting for you. Kevin said they’re not going to start until everyone’s at the table.”

  “Mom…”

  “Sweetheart, I know it’s not going to be easy to be around him.”

  “Understatement of the year.” After the night he’d destroyed her, Gigi had completely fallen apart. She’d spent the first week in bed. It’s a wonder I graduated high school. Her parents had reduced her feelings to nothing more than a crush on the hot, charming athlete—the same one every other girl—and woman—in town had. Only, intensified because he’d spent so much time at their house.

  But they were wrong. She’d loved Cassian with all her heart. They’d spent every free moment together. Sometimes, when their schedules had been too full with sports and band practices, they’d cut classes just to be alone together. He’d told her things he didn’t share with anyone. He came to her when he had big decisions to make.

  She’d been so sure he’d loved her, too. That night, the way he’d looked at her—kissed her. God, that kiss. I don’t see you that way. Those words had obliterated her heart.

  Worse, he’d crushed her ability to trust her own instincts.

  That moment when he’d lead Ashton up the stairs…to a bedroom…to have sex with her…It was imprinted on her soul.

  A clammy sensation hit the back of her neck. The thought of seeing him made her sick to her stomach. She had to tell her mom the truth. “I don’t think I can do it.”

  “You don’t have a choice,” her mom said gently. “We’ve already announced the new arrivals, so it’s too late for you to cancel. And, to be honest, I’ve always wondered if your anger wasn’t misplaced.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Sleeping with your friend…it wasn’t something new. He’d pretty much gone through the female population of Calamity by that point.”

  “This doesn’t make me feel better.”

  “I’m sorry, honey. But he is who he is. I just know I would’ve hated my best friend. Girl code, and all.”

  “Trust me, I did.” She’d given Ashton a very large piece of her mind, and now Gigi barely had any residual feelings for her former friend.

  Well, there you go. She’d not only confronted Ashton, but she’d cut her out of their group. Gigi had gotten closure. She hadn’t done any of that with Cassian.

  So maybe this trip…maybe she could pull him aside and just let it rip?

  But with his girlfriend here? Yeah, no. That wouldn’t work.

  Besides, the focus needed to be on the patients.

  “You have to show up for this tour, honey. You just do. The kids deserve the best you’ve got.”

  “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.” She was being selfish. Petty. “I won’t let my personal issues affect this tour. I’ll get down there, and I’ll act like he’s just someone I knew in high school.”

  “Thank you, sweetheart. For whatever reason, things aligned, putting you two together. Maybe you can take advantage of that, find some sort of closure with him. Might set you free.”

  She smiled. “That’s exactly what I was thinking. I love you, Mom.”

  “Love you, too, sweetie. I’m here if you need to talk.”

  After disconnecting, Gigi tossed her phone on the bed and went back into the bathroom to peel off the mask. Shaking out her wet hair, she ran her fingers through it. She didn’t have time to dry it or put on make-up, so she just found a clean pair of shorts and a T-shirt, jammed her feet into her flip flops, and headed out of her room.

  Dread pulsed with each step she took down the hallway. Cassian hadn’t seen her yet, so he didn’t know she was on the tour. When they’d landed at the St. Louis airport, a van had been waiting for them. She’d slid into the far back with the country star, happy to talk shop.

  Okay, more like eager to show him she wasn’t just a prop in a manufactured girl band.

  And wasn’t that part of her issue right there? Cassian was the real deal. Through talent, hard work, and drive, he’d become a great quarterback, whereas she’d become a Lollipop.

  Stepping onto the elevator, she had to accept she was embarrassed. Whenever she fantasized about Cassian, it was always about him being in the audience when she performed at some big venue, like Madison Square Garden. Her favorite image, though, was of him with a beer belly and stained T-shirt as he sat on his couch and watched her win a Grammy.

  She’d wanted him to eat his heart out. Instead, he was at the top of his career, while she was this platinum-haired robot who wore stupid plaid skirts and knee socks
.

  Whatever.

  Shake it off.

  You’re here to bring people a moment of joy. Her embarrassment about being a Lollipop meant nothing in the context of this tour.

  As soon as she entered the restaurant, the hostess took her to a private room. There were only fifteen people in their group, but she walked into a buzz of conversation and laughter. Her focus went immediately to Cassian, who entertained the people seated around him. She’d bet they’d tripped over each other to score the chair next to him. He was the life of every party.

  Beside him, his girlfriend beamed—her hair all tousled and sexy, her mouth bright red, and her cleavage bursting out of a skintight black dress.

  A rush of mortification traveled up her spine and flared around her shoulders. In comparison, she looked plain and dull. Before she could bolt, though, she scurried toward the one empty seat left at the table, in a scramble to get there before he noticed her.

  Why hadn’t she spent an extra five minutes to put on a little make-up? Do something with her hair?

  Fortunately, she got to sit next to the musician. “Hey.”

  “Looks like you got in a shower.”

  “Oh.” Her hand went to her damp hair, and her cheeks went hot.

  His smile flat-lined. “See, now, this is why I’ve got three divorces behind me. I always manage to step in it.”

  “No, it’s…” She stuttered out a laugh. “I’m feeling insecure, because I came down here with wet hair and no make-up and...” She gestured to the blonde and the glamorous actor across the table.

  “Can I tell you something—if you promise not to take this the wrong way?”

  “Of course.”

  “I swear I’m not hittin’ on you, but you’re ten times more beautiful than both of them. There’s something about a woman without her face all done up that makes her more real, more approachable. I mean, you’re a Lollipop, so I’ve seen you with make-up, but this…right here? They’ve got nothin’ on you.”

  Her heart warmed with affection. “Thank you for saying that. I needed to hear it.”

  Someone howled with laughter, and Grant’s attention went over to Cassian.

  Cassian…God, the man just glowed. It was so much more than his handsome features or muscular body. It was his charisma. He gave off an aura of competence, of being the best in the world.

  And everyone wanted to be around a winner.

  A fierce longing howled through her. I want to be a winner.

  “Oh, good you’re here.” Kevin swept by behind her, briefly cupping her shoulder. “We can get started.”

  “Sorry about that.”

  “No problem.” He continued on to the head of the table.

  Cassian still hadn’t noticed her, so that meant she had a few moments to pull herself together. She appreciated what Grant said more than he’d ever know.

  Mostly, she needed to remember she was on her own path, tending her own garden, and she wasn’t going to get derailed by a man who lacked character. Regardless of his looks or charm or stats on the football field.

  Exactly. ‘Nuff said.

  “Welcome, everyone,” Kevin said. “I want to thank each and every one of you for taking time out of your schedules to work with the Dreams Come True Foundation. The families are so excited to see you, and I know we’re going to have an amazing week. Why don’t you go ahead and grab some food from the buffet? While you’re eating, I’ll go over the schedule.”

  While the rest of the table got up, Cassian’s group lingered, riveted by his story, so she took the opportunity to grab a plate. Only when Grant came up beside her did she realize how panicked she felt. Because she’d run from the table like a freak.

  You have to stop this.

  You’re giving him all your power.

  And for what? Something that happened when you were seventeen?

  She smiled at Grant. “I’m not shy when it comes to filling my belly.”

  He held up both hands, like I’ll get out of your way, and laughed.

  Under the bright orange heat lamps, she contemplated the chicken and something that looked like fish covered in brown sauce.

  “Times like this, I stick with the vegetables.” Grant tipped his chin to the other end of the table. “Salad, potatoes.”

  “Wise words from a man who’s spent half his life on the road.”

  His grin cracked a well-lined face. “You’ve had a few of them yourself. I’m sure you learned your own lessons on food service.”

  “I learned you could demand pink llamas in your dressing room, and half the venues would oblige.”

  “You don’t strike me as the kind to demand pink M&Ms, let alone llamas.”

  “No, I’m not too particular.” They made their way down the line. “I’ve only been on two tours, and I can tell you they weren’t anything like what I expected.”

  “They take it out of your hide, that’s for sure.” Grant helped himself to a pile of roasted vegetables.

  Cassian and his entourage stood directly across from her. He said something quietly to the person next to him, and the guy’s eyebrows shot up.

  “Are you serious?” the man said.

  Cassian’s girlfriend rolled her eyes and said, “Don’t get him started.”

  “No, tell me,” the guy said. “I always wanted to know if that was real or not.”

  “Pretty much every story you’ve ever heard about DeBrowski’s based on some kind of truth,” Cassian said.

  “But is that why they traded him?” someone asked.

  Cassian’s girlfriend leaned forward, her large breasts pressing on his arm. “You’re going to have to get him a whole lot drunker, if you’re going to get those kinds of answers.”

  “Drunker?” Cassian said. “I haven’t even had a beer. Speaking of which, what do you want to drink? Wine, beer?”

  “I’d love some wine,” his girlfriend said.

  “Hang on.” Cassian stepped away from the table, looking around. When he spotted a server he said, “I’d like to buy some wine for the table.”

  Right. Always the big spender. Renting yachts and jets, buying two-hundred-thousand-dollar cars. He was such a cliché.

  The server looked anxious to be in his presence, but whatever he said made her grin. Slowly, she relaxed until she was looking up at him as if he were the hottest boy in school who’d finally noticed her.

  Anger rushed through her. “What kind of jerk flirts in front of his girlfriend?”

  Oh, shit. She shouldn’t have said that.

  Grant chuckled. “Ah, don’t be so hard on him. I used to be the same way. Trust me, it’s nothing more than a coping device.”

  Her whole body went on alert, desperate to learn more. The line moved forward, and she scooped some roasted potatoes onto her plate. “Is ‘coping device’ just a euphemism for infidelity?”

  He laughed. “Nah. Social anxiety comes in many forms. We all wear masks. The one you put on depends on what you’re trying to hide.”

  “And the callous boyfriend’s a mask?”

  “You’ve had your share of fame. You know what comes with it—a whole lot of attention. Lotta guys’ll bed every woman in sight just because they can. Maybe they weren’t hot stuff when they were younger and now, with money and fame, they are. And some do it…” He shrugged, color pinkening his cheeks. “Well, let’s just say the amount of fame you crave is in direct proportion to how insecure you are.”

  Gripping the tongs, she snorted. “I don’t think Cassian Ellis has confidence issues.”

  “Well, that’s what I’m saying. Maybe he has a lot more than you realize, and that’s how he covers it. There isn’t just one way to deal with your issues, right? Sometimes, when you feel unworthy and the attention’s comin’ at you, you gobble it up. Even if it’s the wrong kind.”

  She dropped some lettuce on her plate. “I think what you’re telling me is to stop being so judgmental and look a little deeper.”

  He laughed. “Well, I’m just chann
eling my therapist here, but that sounds about right.”

  More people from the hotel staff gathered around Cassian. Someone took his plate so he could sign autographs. One of them tucked a cocktail napkin into the back pocket of his jeans.

  She tried to see him from a different perspective. As a boy who’d lost his parents when he was fourteen. Who’d gone to live with a family he barely knew.

  Even in high school, as captain of the football team, he still hadn’t felt he’d belonged anywhere.

  I belong with you.

  Oh, God, just remembering those words, the way they’d curled through her, all sweet and creamy. They’d been laying on their backs in the tree house, feet braced against the plywood panels they’d crudely erected. He’d been telling her how his cousins had made him feel like an outsider. Griffin in particular, the oldest, had resented having to share a room.

  They have their own way of talking to each other, games they play, jokes…I don’t fit in.

  She’d reminded him that he’d become the star of the football team, so at least he had that, and he’d said, “I took Landon’s spot. The guys hate me for that.” It had killed her that he didn’t feel he belonged anywhere.

  Until he’d reached for her hand and said, I belong with you.

  It hurt. It hurt so much to remember the good times. He might act like a playboy, but she’d known a whole other side of him. A vulnerable, sensitive side.

  That side’s nowhere to be seen tonight. Cassian Ellis, the life of the party, commanded the attention of the staff who flocked around him. She wanted to ask his girlfriend why she’d stay with a guy who’d disrespect her so boldly.

  Not my business.

  A young woman held open his palm and wrote something on it.

  “Cassian,” his girlfriend called. “You want me to make you a plate?”

  “Good idea,” Gigi said. “He’s going to need his energy if he’s going to keep up with tonight’s schedule.” Oh, dammit.

  His girlfriend looked up. “Right?” She shook her head. “He’s a shameless flirt.”

  “What’s that?” Cassian turned away from his flock, inserting himself back into the line.

  His girlfriend tugged on his T-shirt, laughter dancing in her eyes. “You’re making a scene. Grab your food, and let’s sit down.”