IT WAS ALWAYS YOU Read online

  “That’s a great idea. We’ll check it out. Hey, can you do me a favor and hang onto those cupcakes for me?”

  “If you pay for them right now.”

  Cassian reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He read the woman his credit card number. “We’ve got a few stops to make first, but we’ll be there no later than eleven-thirty to pick them up.”

  “You own them now, so whenever you want to pick them is good by me.”

  He disconnected and gave Gigi a big grin. “Done.” When she smiled back, her whole face lit up, and it struck like a clap of thunder. The connection was intense, powerful, and he’d felt nothing like it in nearly a decade. On a heady wave of hope, he raised a hand for a high five, but the smile flattened immediately.

  “Let me tell you something, Cassian. What you did to me nine years ago changed me. I wish more than anything that I could tell you I’m over it, that I’ve moved on, but it’s just not true. You broke me. We’re stuck on this tour together, and I’ll try to stop sniping at you.” At the stoplight, she braked and turned to look at him. “But you and I will never be friends.”

  The community center turned out to be a sprawling ranch-style home on the outskirts of a nice, well-kept family neighborhood. A fenced yard took up one half of the lot.

  The group gathered around Kevin in a yard filled with plastic toys, a few trees, a swing set, and a slide. With her arms full of cupcake boxes, Gigi stood close enough to Cassian to brush the warm skin of his arm.

  It was electric, that touch. And it elicited a hot mess of emotion, because her mind hated her body’s reaction to him.

  But there was nothing she could do about it. She was attracted to him—just like everyone else in the damn world. He was so potently masculine, with his spectacularly fit body, handsome face, and that Pied Piper charisma that bewitched people into dropping what they were doing to follow him.

  “So, here’s the deal,” Kevin said. “As soon as the zoo people get here, they’re going to bring Cody and his family out, give him some special time with the penguins. Cassian, you’ll go inside, and the director will take you to the dining room, where you’ll hang out with a couple families.” He nodded toward Gigi. “I’d love it if you could set up right there on that picnic table. After Cody gets some time alone with the penguins, we’ll open up the yard to the festivities, and you can do your thing.”

  “That sounds great. Let me just drop off these…” She lifted her bakery boxes. “And then I’ll grab my guitar from the car.”

  “Perfect. Just go in through the kitchen, which is back there.” Kevin waited for her nod of acknowledgment before continuing to give out instructions.

  Cassian, holding bags of supplies and a large stuffed penguin, walked with her across the springy grass.

  With each step, her discomfort grew. She’d enjoyed their morning together a little too much, which meant she was susceptible. She didn’t want to fall for his charm. “You want to hand that stuff to me? We don’t both need to drop it off.”

  “I have to go inside anyhow.”

  An image hit—him surrounded by fawning hotel staff last night—and all that anxiety hardened into anger. “Right.” She walked between two swings to distance herself from him. “There have to be, what, five or six women in this county who haven’t had the pleasure of the Ellis Effect.”

  “You know, I never thought of it that way, but that makes a lot of sense. This tour gives me a chance to pour my honey across towns I might never have gotten a chance to visit.”

  Everything in her bristled at this tone. At his attitude. At his face. “Well, that’s a super positive spin on the fact that your coach made you come because you’re in the news more for your sexcapades than your playing.” She gave him a faux-sorry look. “Sucks that my parents run the foundation, huh? I’m privy to all kinds of fun facts.”

  “You seem oddly fascinated with my ‘sexcapades,’ but then you are a Lollipop, so you probably think French kisses are gross.”

  She bit her tongue to keep from smiling. “I’m more fascinated with the idea that a man who’s won two Super Bowls still craves so much female attention. It’s sad, really, the emptiness you feel inside.”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that. Between playing on the Mavericks, partying with my teammates, and fucking every woman who happens to cross my path, I have a pretty full life.”

  “And yet…who are your real friends? If you took away the football, the superyachts, and the modeling gigs—who’d stick around? By the way, did they stick a cucumber in your boxers for that commercial?”

  “This is your hardest?” he asked quietly.

  She glanced over at him. “My what?”

  “You said you’d try your hardest not to snipe at me.”

  “Oh, that. Well, I did make it through two hours in a car with you.”

  “True. I guess I need to lower my standards.”

  “Lower them? Is that even possible?” Just as she reached for the handle on the screen door, it flew open.

  “Would you look who’s here?” A woman in scrubs relieved her of the boxes. “In all my life, I never imagined I’d be face-to-face with two celebrities. Come on in. What’cha got there?”

  They entered the warm kitchen that smelled of roasting meat with an undertone of pine-scented cleaning fluid. Several staff members surrounded them, peering into the boxes and pulling plates and napkins out of the bags.

  “Oh, look at this.” The woman held up the plastic penguins that they’d stick into the cupcakes. “Aren’t these adorable?”

  “I love it,” someone else said.

  With a warm smile, Cassian shook hands with everyone. Effortlessly, he chatted, making them laugh, making each person feel special.

  Gigi felt unsettled.

  Because she’d said horrible things to him, and he’d been right to call her out. She was just so angry. She wanted to hurt him. She wanted to wipe that damn smile off his face, make him feel something real.

  Regret. Remorse.

  Was he really this shallow? Was everything just a joke?

  She stood there, watching him win over everyone in the kitchen, and she finally got it.

  He truly didn’t care that he’d destroyed her.

  No. That’s not it. He didn’t miss her. The friendship that had meant the world to her had meant nothing to him.

  And that’s what I can’t stand.

  She didn’t know how she was going to do this, get through an entire week with him.

  Quietly, she left the kitchen, filled her lungs with the warm, late spring air, and made her way back to the van to get her guitar.

  I know exactly how I’ll do it. She’d sing her heart out for the patients and their families. And then she’d go back to her hotel room and write songs.

  Music had pulled her through before, and it would pull her through this week.

  Chapter Five

  “You ready to meet some kids?” the nurse asked with a cheerful expression.

  “Sure am.” Cassian had to force himself to be in the moment.

  He couldn’t get over Gigi’s look of disdain as she’d watched him in the kitchen, as if he’d been some poseur. What did she expect from him?

  I’m here to shake hands, take selfies, and sign autographs.

  She was so damn angry with him.

  “Actually, can you give me a minute? I’d like to see Cody’s expression when he meets the penguins.”

  The nurse looked at him like he was the sweetest guy ever. I’m not, he wanted to say. I hurt my best friend, and I continue to be a jerk to her, and I don’t know why.

  Why can’t I stop?

  Why the fuck can’t I just say I’m sorry?

  “Of course.” She tipped her head toward the door. “Come on. The zoo van’s just pulling up.” They headed out the sliding glass door. “We’re so excited to have you guys here. You can’t believe how many times we’ve applied to the foundation, and now…to be accepted when Cassian Ellis is on the tou
r? I just can’t believe it.”

  Stepping outside, he headed toward the picnic table, because there was no one else he wanted to share the moment with other than Gigi. But she didn’t even notice his approach. She was captivated by the sight of Cody. Surrounded by family, eyes wide and bright, the boy’s excitement was palpable as he watched the handlers wheel the travel crate toward him.

  Cassian felt the jerk inside him, a shifting of his perspective. Obviously, he worked his ass off—he’d earned his career—but he’d been given all the advantages, whereas this boy had spent his childhood in and out of hospitals. Sure, Cassian had lost his parents when he was fourteen, but he’d moved in with his uncle and aunt. He’d had Tyler Cavanaugh’s guiding hand. He’d been born with a strong, healthy body.

  And the worst thing that had ever happened to him—losing a piece of his soul—could be corrected, because Gigi was here right now, standing close enough for him to see the nick on her chin—the color of moonlight—from when she’d tripped on the trail and landed on a sharp-edged rock. He caught her looking at him, and he knew she got it, too.

  What’re we doing?

  In the scheme of things, our issues are so petty.

  A fierceness seized him. He couldn’t take back what he’d done, but their paths had crossed again. It might only be for a week, but he’d grab the opportunity. First, he’d apologize. And then he’d do whatever she needed to help her heal.

  The animal handler opened the door of the crate, and the black and white penguins waddled out. The boy’s eyes flared with awe as the animals shook themselves like wet dogs, flapping their wings and shaking their heads.

  The handler, a silver-haired woman, lifted one of them and set it on the boy’s lap. His grin stretched across his face. Damn, if it didn’t pinch Cassian’s heart.

  The family gathered around, as the boy gave a running commentary on what the penguins felt like, and how he couldn’t believe he got to touch one.

  Cassian didn’t miss the father’s eyes turning glassy, the way he blinked back tears.

  “This is amazing,” Gigi whispered.

  “I’m glad I’m here.”

  “Me, too.” She gave him a soft smile.

  Energy roared through him. “I want you to know—”

  She shook her head. Not now.

  Kevin gave her a nod, and she picked up her guitar. Sitting down on a picnic table, she began playing.

  Cassian stood transfixed, as her voice threw him back in time. To hot sun on his shoulders and cold lake water lapping onto a rocky shore, listening to her play for him on a summer’s day. To the smell of wood burning, sparks snapping, while a bunch of them gathered around a bonfire and listened to her sing.

  His pulse pounded in his ears, and he grew warm. She’s here. And he had the chance to make things right.

  He’d get her alone, talk to her. Do something. Anything was better than ignoring her and pretending his life hadn’t been so damn empty without her.

  Right then the sliding glass doors opened, and families and nurses came outside, gathering around the penguins. A few teenagers came straight for Gigi, who greeted them with her warmth and open spirit.

  It was time for Cassian to go in, but he almost couldn’t bear being separated from her. He glanced back one more time at the woman who shared his soul…and caught Grant, the country singer, watching her.

  Wait—whoa—was the older guy interested in her?

  Of course he’s fucking interested in her. Gigi was gorgeous, vibrant, talented. Her record label might’ve tried to sanitize the sexiness right out of her, but they couldn’t. Because it came from within. She was artsy, sensual, earthy. No matter the platinum hair and trendy, youthful clothes, her essence shone through. Especially when she sang.

  “Cassian?” Kevin called.

  “Coming. Sorry. I just wanted to be here when Cody saw the penguins.”

  “It’s a life-changer, isn’t?” Kevin nodded.

  “It is.”

  “Hey, so, listen. Good news. Your jerseys got here on time. We’ve got Sharpees and a bunch of kids who want some one-on-one time with you.”

  “You don’t think…given my recent press, their parents might not want me around their kids?”

  “They’re besides themselves with the opportunity to meet you. Besides…can you think of a single celebrity who doesn’t get thrown some shade in the media?” He tipped his chin to the country star. “He’s been married three times, in and out of rehab…and this is his fourth tour with us. They love him, because he’s got a big heart, and he loves meeting the families. So, just be your true self. You’re here as the quarterback of the Mavericks, and in that capacity you’re a role model to millions of people. When you’re here, headlines don’t exist.”

  Cassian didn’t even know the tension he carried until it eased right then. “Thanks, man. I appreciate that.”

  With one last look at Gigi, he went inside. As he passed the nurse’s station, one of them—a pretty young woman with short, spikey hair—swung around and clapped her hands over her mouth.

  “Oh, my God, it’s Cassian Ellis.”

  “Hey, there.” He reached for her hand, reading her nametag. “Great to meet you, Heather.”

  She looked shellshocked. “I just can’t believe it.”

  Wanting to set her at ease, he said, “You’ve got a great town here. And that’s coming from someone who’s driven from one end to the other on the quest for anything penguin.”

  “Oh, it’s…I mean, I grew up here. It’s all I know.”

  “Nicest people I’ve ever met.”

  “Oh…I…” She stood there wide-eyed and tongue-tied.

  So, he gave a tug to the sleeve of her shirt. “Cute scrubs.”

  Her demeanor shifted. She went from excited fan to interested woman. Leaning over the desk, she pushed her butt high in the air, and reached for a pen. “Can you sign them?”

  “Sure thing.” He uncapped the pen, looking to her for guidance on where she wanted him to write his name.

  “Here.” She pulled on the hem of her top, as if he’d write across her chest.

  But…no, he wasn’t going to do that. Not here, in this context. Not with Gigi on the other side of that wall. So, he pulled her sleeve and scrawled, You’re an amazing person, Heather. Cassian Ellis before closing the pen and handing it back.

  “How long are you in town?” she asked.

  “Just tonight. We head out in the morning.”

  “You guys need a place to eat? I could give you some recommendations.”

  “I think the guy who’s running the tour’s got us booked somewhere, but thanks.” He couldn’t even think about spending time with anyone else right now. Gigi was so close—like a scent rising off his skin, like a shadow flickering in his soul. Right there.

  And she was everything.

  “Well, if you can sneak away. I’ll give you a personal tour of St. Louis.”

  “Yeah?” He saw the spark of hope, the way she turned seductive.

  “Tell you what. I’ll give you my number.” She leaned over the counter again, snatching a Post-It off a stack, and wrote her digits. “I’m around tonight. So, any time you can slip away, just call me.”

  “Cassian?” Amie called.

  He shot a look to the entrance. Dammit. What’s she doing here? He’d told her he didn’t want anyone to see them together.

  Raising a hand, he waved the Post-It. “Thanks.” And then headed over to his friend, who wore a baseball cap. Cupping her elbow, he led her right back out the door. “I asked you not to come here.”

  “I know, but I’ve got the receipts, and you know I like to make the transfers right in front of you. If anything goes wrong, I don’t want to be blamed for it.”

  Once outside, he ushered her toward the waiting taxi. “I appreciate that you want things to be above-board, but right now it’s more important that I don’t wind up in the media with you.”

  He gestured for her to get back in the idling car
.

  “Well, hold on a second. I want to talk to you about something.” She grasped his wrist and led him to the bushes at the side of the building. “Look, we’ve been friends a long time.”

  Oh, Christ. “You’re not quitting on me, are you?” Not now, when camp was just about to start.

  “Of course not. Just listen. When I got kicked off the show, everyone patted me on the shoulder and said stuff like, ‘You’ll land on your feet.’ But you didn’t do that. You sat down and talked to me. Some of what you said hurt, but I really respected you for telling me the truth about why I’d gotten fired and what I needed to do to get back on the show.”

  That’s not…what? He hadn’t given her advice on how to get back on it. He’d asked what she wanted out of it, and then brainstormed other things she could do to get the same result.

  “And now I want to be a good friend to you and tell you what I’m pretty sure everyone else is afraid to. Cassian, I don’t know what Coach said to you, but if he flew all the way out to Colorado to talk to you, I know it wasn’t good.”

  He looked around to see if anyone had spotted him. It didn’t look like it but that didn’t mean much.

  “All I know is it wasn’t because of a noise complaint.” She gave him a pointed look. “He obviously doesn’t like the kind of press you’re always getting.”

  “Amie, we can talk about his later. I have to get back inside.”

  “Just hear me out. You know how some guys can fly under the radar? They do way worse stuff than you, but it never gets out?”

  He did, actually. His backup quarterback was the perfect example.

  “Well, it’s because you invite that attention. You flirt, you charm. I mean, that nurse back there? She just wanted an autograph, you know? But you turned on all the charm, and now she thinks she has a chance with you.” She scanned his features. “You’re not even aware of it, are you?”

  “I wasn’t flirting. I was being nice.” He knew what it felt like to meet someone he admired. He appreciated her excitement and wouldn’t do anything to diminish it.